Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom

I’ve been single every Valentine’s Day, for the most part, meaning I’ve basically just never had a Valentine, in the romantic sense. Of course, there was that middle school boyfriend, whom I rarely talked to (out of fear). And other situations that technically overlapped with February 14th. There have been many memorable Galentine’s Days with my friends. And, of course, years when the day was spent playing lacrosse or on the road somewhere without proper celebration.

I cherished the Valentine exchange in Elementary school, where we made and decorated little boxes the day before and filled them with colorful cards and candy from our classmates. I was the kid who would completely deck out the homemade Valentine for my crush with more stickers, candy, or hearts than all the others as a way to cunningly pledge my love for him. In retrospect, covering the entire surface area of the Ziploc Valentine bag in heart stickers for my fourth-grade crush was a less-than-subtle move on my part, things didn’t work out between us anyway. Ah, to be young and in love. I do have many special memories from different Valentine’s Days, despite my eternal singlehood, but there is one Valentine’s Day that has stuck with me and changed the way I see the whole holiday.

Up until sitting down to write this and checking which year this story takes place in, I thought it was from middle school or something more obviously adolescent than my sophomore year of high school when it actually happened. With perspective, mistaking my high school self for a middle school one speaks volumes to the maturity level of my thoughts and actions at the time. Nevertheless, this is a story from my sophomore year of high school Valentine’s Day. 

The story starts with me on my phone on my bedroom floor, my undiagnosed ADHD having a field day down a rabbit hole on the Instagram explore page. It was dark outside and almost dinner time which meant I was home from lacrosse practice and had already begun the nightly journey of “how much longer can I screw around for before I have to actually start my homework?”. Since it was a holiday, I was probably lost in the chokehold of “I’m yet again single on Valentine’s Day let’s look at all of the couple posts on Instagram and see how that makes me feel”. Ah, to be young and self-deprecating.

Zooming out of my own little world, my brothers were in their respective rooms grinding away at whatever they did, my dad was at work or working out, and my mom was downstairs making dinner; a pretty ordinary school night at our house. My mom called the three of us down when dinner was ready but helpless to the Instagram chokehold I found myself in, I was incapable of coming to dinner right away as I needed to dive deeper into my phone. Crazy enough, both of my brothers were equally lost in their little worlds because neither of them went down for dinner either. 

Reflecting on this is actually bringing me to tears. Thinking of my Mom in the kitchen all by herself, classical music in the background making us a homemade meal, while at the same moment upstairs I was being an absolute shithead to my time on this planet paralyzed by my phone behind a closed door. We can’t change the past, but I will never pass up an opportunity to help my mom make dinner or keep her company in the kitchen ever again.

So anyways, no one came down to dinner. After probably a couple of minutes my mom came upstairs to get us out of our rooms, and she was SO sad. I was confused because I surely had ignored her plenty of nights before when she called for dinner and I didn’t really get why this was so different. Well, while I was up in my room, not even doing homework like my Mom thought I was, my Mom made a special Valentine’s Dinner for the three of us: three separate meals, our favorite foods, made exactly how we liked them with our favorite drinks and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. My Mom was showing us just how loved the three of us were and how celebrating the love we have in our lives is what Valentine’s Day is all about. It breaks my heart to think that at the same time, I was so busy with my teenage life and the absence of romance that I didn’t even think of my Mom as one of my Valentines when she was the most important one of all. 

I know I’m kind of writing this like a memorial but my mom is still alive thank god, and even though I’m being pretty vulnerable and emotional through my writing right now I’m not like that at all in real life so I’m probably just going to send her a link of this post so she can hear indirectly just how much that Valentine’s Day meant to me. Thank you, Mom, for making me know then and now just how loved I am. I love you to the moon.

This is my meal, the only picture I have of it is with the Instagram lo-fi filter (I truly can’t make this shit up). Life is so short, never pass up the opportunity to tell your Mom and your loved ones just how much they mean to you; even if it’s through a blog post.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom<3